I don't do friendlies against the Welsh, says Regan

13 April 2012

England will unleash the oldest hooker in the Test arena on Wales at Twickenham today and leave the jelly beans under wraps in the dressing-room.

Mark Regan, the 35-year-old Lazarus-like Bristolian who disappeared from HQ in a puff and a huff three years ago, reappears in a pack designed to pound their opponents into submission by using almost a ton of muscle and bone — in crushing contradiction of anyone among the assembled 64,000 naive enough to think of this as a pre-season friendly.

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Seasoned campaigner: Mark Regan

'A friendly? What — England versus Wales? Don't be silly, bab,' said Regan, slipping into the patois of his native city, a sure sign of the blood stirring. 'We love to stick it up Wales same as they love to stick it up us. There'll be no love lost.

'They smashed us at the Millennium Stadium a few months back and now they're coming to the home of rugby. I can't see it being at all friendly, not one bit.'

England, in a manner of speaking, tried the 'jelly bean trick' in March in the same losing cause as their cricket compatriots, who were accused of throwing sweets at the wicket during the second Test against India this week.

Coach Brian Ashton dispatched a front five who promptly dissolved in the hot-house atmosphere beneath the Cardiff roof with the noble exception of Martin Corry. Regan, living close enough to the Severn Bridge to be reared on the jungle warfare of cross-border midweek skirmishes, knows there is no such thing as a soft Welsh centre.

'As a young lad at Bristol, I used to go across the bridge every other Wednesday to places like Pontypridd and Cardiff and it would be a right ruck every time. We had a massive ruck one night at Bridgend. Simon Shaw was getting slapped around and we had to step in and sort it out. Nothing has changed.'

Less than six months ago Regan was just another former England hooker, playing out his twilight years back home. This afternoon, having pushed George Chuter back on to the bench, he returns as the prospective No 1 for the World Cup, rejuvenated and imbued with the kind of bulldog spirit that the uncertain holders sorely need in Paris next month.

'Ronnie' Regan knows that England dare not fail against Wales if they are to start acquiring some last-minute credibility. 'It's massive that we win,' he said. 'Massive for the team, coaches and the country.'

England's pack has not so much been reshaped as dismantled and rebuilt. Of the eight on duty against Argentina last November, only Corry remains. The Perry Freshwater- Chuter-Julian White front row has been superseded by Andrew Sheridan, Regan and Phil Vickery; Danny Grewcock and Ben Kay at lock by Steve Borthwick and Simon Shaw; Lewis Moody and Pat Sanderson in the back row by Joe Worsley and Nick Easter.

Regan's impact on a lost cause in South Africa in June gave England hope of recapturing some of the hard-nosed attitude of Martin Johnson's team, a quality reinforced by Lawrence Dallaglio straining at the leash among the substitutes.

'I've no regrets about what I did three years ago,' said Regan, referring to his Test retirement after former coach Andy Robinson dropped him against Canada in November 2004. 'I was the No 1, I'd just come back from tour in Australia and was really on fire. At the time it was the right decision. Circumstances change, people change, staff change, everything changes.

'I know Brian Ashton. He's a world-class coach and I gave him a bell before Christmas saying, "I'd like to work with you again". He said, "OK, we'll keep you in mind".

'And then, lo and behold, the chance came. Now the thought of Wales sends shivers of excitement down my spine.' The average member of the pack at Vickery's disposal is 6ft 4in and weighs almost 18 stone, a monstrous indication of England's readiness to match the gargantuan Springboks in their clash at the World Cup.

Wales are right up there in the power stakes, averaging no more than an inch shorter and a half-astone lighter than England, their who'd go out of his way to make sure you are OK.'

There will be no room for any of that this afternoon. England, with Andy Farrell acutely aware of the now-or-never nature of his mission at inside centre, are also in urgent need of assurance about the new boy immediately outside him, Dan Hipkiss.

If he plays today as he did all season for Leicester, he will do himself a huge favour and his country an even bigger one by easing the need to take any risks over Mike Tindall.

Ashton said: 'We have a pretty good idea of how Mathew Tait, Tindall and Jamie Noon have performed for England so this is a big game for Dan. Once he performs, the whole picture will be a lot clearer in my mind.'

England will demand that they win and win well. Wales, beaten nine times in a row at Twickenham since Adrian Hadley gave England the runaround almost 20 years ago, may have missed a trick by not sending out their full team and going for broke.

Instead they rely on their thirdchoice pair of half backs, Ceri Sweeney and Gareth Cooper, as well as a novice lock in Will James.

Alun Wyn Jones' switch from second row to blindside is aimed at negating Corry's line-out presence, almost as if Wales knew the composition of the pack before it was announced.

England will have good cause, therefore, to be wary of what promises to be the unfriendliest of friendlies. As Corry said with the broadest of beams: 'It will take more than a few jelly beans on the pitch to win this Test match.'

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