Andy Gray: 'I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t thought about killing myself'

Former star of Sky Sports talks for the first time about the despair he felt after being sacked over sexist comments and how ‘some of the joy’ has gone out of his life in the wake of the row
In a corner: as the sexism row snowballed, Andy Gray got into further trouble when footage of his comments to Andy Burton were made public
6 March 2012

Until a year ago, Andy Gray was always sure he was in control of his life. “I’d always thought nothing would faze me.”

But, caught on camera making sexist remarks and sacked by Sky for what the channel described as “unacceptable and offensive behaviour”, Gray was overwhelmed with doubt. “I was on the floor. I’ve never been like that in my life.”

We are in a restaurant not far from the Evening Standard’s office. This is the first time Gray has spoken about the events which took place in January of last year. I ask him whether he thought that was the end of his life and he says: “Yes.”

So did he think of killing himself?

The 56-year-old looks up and admits: “I would be lying if I said I didn’t.”

I cannot believe what I am hearing. This is not the image of the tough centre-forward: scorer of 226 goals, winner of titles with Everton and his boyhood club Glasgow Rangers, capped 20 times by Scotland, before leading Sky’s football coverage for 20 years. So I ask, really Andy? His blue eyes are crystal clear as he looks at me and replies in a steady voice: “Yes.”

Three weeks after he was sacked, Gray and Richard Keys, the Sky presenter who resigned following his colleague’s dismissal, were hired by ­talkSPORT for a daily show. “A lifeline,” says Gray but the relief in his voice cannot hide the weight he still carries. “I had never felt like I have felt from January 25th [last year] onwards.

“I watch Sky every day so it’s there in my face, in my home. I’m not one of those who take anything for granted. I used to wake up every morning and say, ‘Thank you Lord for this.’ A bit of the joy has gone.”

His sadness was deepened by the collateral damage caused by the loss of his Sky work, said to be worth £1.7million a year.“My job affected so many other people. I’ve got lots of family and friends that I looked after financially because of what I earned. Overnight, I couldn’t look after them any more.”

The heaviness is all the more difficult to shift because Gray cannot accept he is remotely sexist, despite what the camera showed. He and Keys were caught bantering before a match between Wolves and Liverpool at Molineux last season saying that Sian Massey and other female assistant referees “didn’t know the offside rule”.

“It happened on a Saturday morning,” recalls Gray. “I got a call on Monday from Andy Melvin [deputy head of Sky Sports] just telling us, ‘Don’t come in today for Monday night football.’”

Gray and Keys were also sent final warning letters but the feeling was they would keep their jobs. But then, as Gray recalls, “It escalated from there for some reason, I’ve no idea why.”

More footage emerged of Gray making sexist remarks about Massey — this time to Sky’s pitchside reporter Andy Burton — and also of an incident recorded a month earlier showing him making a suggestive ­comment to

colleague Charlotte ­Jackson, followed by laughter from him and Keys.

The result was a call that Monday night from Barney Francis, head of Sky Sports, sacking him. The next day Keys met Francis and resigned.

Gray’s defence of what he said about Massey is: “This was a private bit of banter released to the social media and for some reason the press etc tore us apart. I have no problems with a woman referee. It wasn’t a criticism, it was a light-hearted quip.

“I wish I’d never said it and, if I caused Sian any problems, then of course I’m terribly disappointed. Richard phoned her, apologised on our behalf and she said, ‘Don’t be so stupid, guys.’”

As for Jackson, Gray says: “Again, it’s probably an old man trying to be funny. It was no more than that. Charlotte knows us very well. For 17 years, my life was a dressing room and everyone who’s been in a dressing room knows what kind of banter goes on.

“It’s a place where you can get ripped apart at times by your fellow players. We had that type of dressing room at Sky where we wanted people to feel comfortable and we had conversations about many things.

“In 20 years in studios up and down the country I’ve heard people saying things off camera that would make your hair curl.

“I do not see myself as sexist. Not in a million years. I have four daughters and I was brought up by a wonderful mother on her own. She’s 91 and is distraught about what happened.”

As proof he explains that the rector of the church in Lower Slaughter in Gloucestershire for his third marriage last month was female. “Veronica [James] was fantastic and we had a lovely Church of England wedding. There you are.”

Gray does not have to spell out the implication. If he can accept female priests, which have caused such division in the church, how can he be sexist?

So was there another agenda behind the sacking? With Sky’s internal footage released to the world, the speculation was his dismissal may have been related to the phone hacking scandal. Gray, whose phone was hacked, was then suing the News of the World, ironically on the advice of Francis and Melvin.

Now, having settled with Sky — he has also separately settled his phone hacking case — all Gray can say is: “I’m not at liberty to criticise anybody or anything about Sky.”

So could he have done anything to rescue his 20-year Sky career? “I think minds were made up,” he says.

What Gray is now keen to influence are the minds that he can change. He is genuinely surprised when I say he had a reputation for being arrogant.

“You stagger me. I’ve never heard that levelled at me. I just can’t believe that. I’ve always treated people the way I would like to be treated myself.”

One reason why Gray is not aware of this is that he has not read a word of the media criticism.

“I don’t think social media helps in any way. I don’t mind people’s opinions. In the past, when people criticised you, at least you’d see them. Now you don’t and it is unfair. But it’s what society does now. It’s not going to change. Twitter will not disappear.”

Despite this, Gray does not tweet and his weekday talkSport show does not take calls. “Not because we don’t want calls. Our show was designed to give content in other ways because every other show on the station takes calls.”

That Gray should now be involved in a show which is a throwback to old-fashioned radio is ironic. At Sky, he not only helped change the way football was presented but showed former footballers there was a good career to be carved out in front of the camera.

“You look now at how many people are finishing playing football and going into radio or television to broadcast full-time. We’ve created an industry where ex-footballers can now go and earn huge amounts of money.”

It was all so different in the summer of 1989. Then, three years before the launch of the Premier League, Melvin, the man Gray sees as his mentor at Sky, rang him out of the blue to offer him a job. The 33-year-old Gray was aware his knee injury meant his playing days were coming to an end and was not sure what he would do after he quit the game.

Gray says: “Andy didn’t have a lot of football to show on the channel so I joined Cheltenham as a player and later went to Aston Villa as assistant manager to Ron Atkinson. Sky was happy for me to do both jobs. But, of course, when it got the rights to the Premier League [in 1992], I had to choose.”

Despite choosing Sky, four years later he very nearly became Everton manager. “I sat with Mr Johnson [Peter Johnson, then Everton chairman] and a couple of directors at his food factory across the Mersey. I went home and told my family I was going to take it.”

But, while Johnson had not talked of money, Sky talked of nothing else in their bid to keep him. “Sam [Chisholm, then boss of Sky] made me a fantastic offer — one I couldn’t turn down.”

A part of Gray will always feel he would have made a natural manager. He says: “I wasn’t blessed with a Kenny Dalglish-type of ability. I had to work extremely hard at it. And, had I gone into management, I would have been okay. When I’m 80, sitting in a wooden chair, rocking away, I might wonder what it might have been like to have been a manager because football’s been my life. But I’ve never regretted the decision I made for a minute.”

This is despite the fact he admits he may never make it back on to television. There have been no offers since leaving Sky and he reflects: “It may be my time as a TV commentator, analyst, presenter is over. It may be that people who make these decisions have decided that’s gone now.”

Sky has replaced Gray with Gary Neville and Gray shrugs and says: “So be it. I had 20 of the most amazing years doing the best job in football.”

Follow Mihir on Twitter @mihirbose

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