The wit and wisdom of David Brent

Remember that age and treachery will always triumph over youth and ability. Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days you are the statue.

Who says famine has to be depressing?

If at first you don't succeed, remove all evidence you ever tried. You have to be 100 per cent behind someone, before you can stab them in the back.

Is your work done? Are all pigs fed, watered and ready to fly? Statistics are like a lamp-post to a drunken man - more for leaning on than illumination.

Those of you who think you know everything are annoying to those of us who do.

Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.

There may be no "I" in team, but there's a "me" if you look hard enough.

Avoid employing unlucky people - throw half of the pile of CVs in the bin without reading them.