The Notting Hillbillies...

Who will you spot down Portobello Market?
The Weekender

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While the world and his wife pile into Notting Hill and its environs for one fun-filled weekend, spare a thought for the residents of this trendy enclave. If you want to recognise the true NH-ers from the rest of the teeming hordes, just read our sideways guide to some of the Notting Tribes.

*The trustafarians

Who are they? Super-rich posh kids who've decided to 'rebel' against society by dodging soap and following 'alternative' lifestyles...whilst being entirely funded by their ultra wealthy parents.

What will they be doing? Hanging out at the Westbourne because it used to be trendy.

How will I recognise them? By the general smell of marijuana hovering over them, long, skanky dreadlocks, baggy falling-apart trousers, and general look of being, like, totally spaced-out. Oh, and their black Amex card, too.

Natural habitat?: Around Elgin Crescent.

Sample saying: "Oh, I mean, yeah, totally, that band sold out aaaages ago. Did I tell you I just came back from Mustique?"

*The organic boho babes

Who are they? Willowy, hippy-ish vintage-wearing chicks, whose personal style prays at the altar of Sienna Miller and Kate Moss — although they wouldn't dream of wearing labels! Except maybe Stella...she's a veggie so it's OK...

What will they be doing? Rummaging through second-hand shops and stalls in Portobello Market. Squeezing the kumquats for ripeness at Fresh and Wild.

How will I recognise them? By the layers and layers of floaty clothes, long hair and skinny jeans tucked into cowboy boots.

Natural habitat?: Living in a large, airy, converted Georgian house in Colville Terrace.

Sample saying: "To be honest, I think people that feed their children that supermarket white bread are negligent parents."

*The city slummers

Who are they? Public school toffs who are dipping their toes into living in a more 'ethnic' area, while they pull in the money working at Morgan Stanley. It's so easy to get to on the Central Line, see?

What will they be doing? Dining in a vastly expensive, bijou little restaurant on the Pembridge Road.

How will I recognise them? From the pink-cheeked, well-fed face, polo shirt tucked into slacks, unruly mop of hair and braying laugh.

Natural habitat?: Clanricarde Gardens

Sample saying: "Yah, Rupe, I'm hoping to get out to the folks' this weekend, take the boat out for a spin. Might have to hop on the old chugga to get there though, Blobbo's borrowed the Merc."

*Media crowd

Who are they? Twenty-something Beeb or magazine employees, who after slaving for five years and no pay as glorified gofers, have now mutated into vile name-dropping meeja whores.

What will they be doing? Hanging out at Neighbourhood on Acklam Road, nodding their head sagely to the music.

How will I recognise them? By the obscurely logoed T-shirt (which cost £50), Paper, Denim and Cloth jeans and improbably styled hair.

Natural habitat?: On Lancaster Road — close to Ground Zero (Television Centre)

Sample saying: "Yeah, I'm interviewing him next week — total coke-head."

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