Cultural quiz

12 April 2012
The Weekender

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Culture minister Kim Howells, who dismissed Turner Prize exhibits as "conceptual bullshit" and claims that Britain's arts institutions are in the grip of a snobbish elite, has now blamed gun crime on "macho idiot rappers".

Although music experts were quick to condemn Howells's views as racist, this is unlikely to deter the outspoken politician. Welsh-born Howells - dubbed Kim II-sung by critics because of his communist past and trenchant views - has resisted hints from departmental colleague Baroness Blackstone that he should moderate his pronouncements. He also enjoyed a public war of words with Philip Dodd, the director of the ICA, in December.

Whether Howells is a dangerous philistine or a much-needed voice of reason, he has forced all of us to consider where we stand on the nation's cultural heritage.

So take Kim's Kwik Kulcha Kwiz and find out precisely how high - or low - your brow is when it comes to the aesthetic side of life.

1. Tracey Emin is:

a) One of the nation's leading creative forces, who has turned her very life into art.

b) Making a lot of money out of a little talent - good luck to her.

c) A charlatan who makes you froth at the mouth.

2. So Solid Crew's Romeo is:

a) A poet of the streets and a role model for disaffected urban youth.

b)The kind of guy that you wanna get deep with (according to his first solo effort).

c) As dangerous as a loaded Uzi.

3. Rigoletto is:

a) One of Giuseppe Verdi's finest operatic works.

b) One of the more accessible pieces in an innately elitist art form.

c) A kind of chewing gum.

4. The beheading of Neil Simmons's marble sculpture of Lady Thatcher was:

a) An act of gross cultural vandalism.

b) An act of valid art criticism.

c) A good rehearsal for the real thing.

5. The empty plinth in Trafalgar Square should be occupied by:

a) Either Rachel Whiteread's inverted perspex Plinth or Mark Wallinger's Ecce Homo - they both looked great when temporarily installed there.

b) Who cares as long as it's not a sculpture of Princess bloody Diana.

c) An entirely representational statue of a major cultural figure such as Richard Burton, Dylan Thomas or Max Boyce.

6. How many symphony orchestras does London have?

a) Five.

b) Don't know.

c) Don't know, but probably too many.

7. If I said "Titian" to you, you'd reply:

a) I can't wait for the major exhibition at the National Gallery.

b) Oh yes, he was very influential wasn't he, even if I can't call any of his paintings to mind.

c) Bless you.

8. The Donmar Warehouse is:

a) Gearing up to the challenges of its first season under new director Michael Grandage after the departure of Sam Mendes.

b) Quite a groovy place to go if you want to impress your friends.

c) Where Nicole Kidman got her kit off.

9. Ingmar Bergman is:

a) The subject of a long-overdue retrospective at the National Film Theatre.

b) The vastly influential director of Wild Strawberries and The Seventh Seal.

c) Humphrey Bogart's love interest in Casablanca.

10. The William Tell Overture makes you think of:

a) The timeless genius of Rossini.

b) The Lone Ranger.

c) What's an overture?

11. The last film you saw was:

a) City of God by Brazilian directors Katia Lund and Fernando Meirelles.

b) The Two Towers by Peter Jackson.

c) Road Trip: Uncut ... I got the DVD for Christmas.

12. The RSC is:

a) In a parlous state following its departure from the Barbican and the plans of outgoing artistic director Adrian Noble to demolish the main Stratford venue.

b) Doing some unknown plays in the West End: I do know that Antony Sher's in them.

c) A viable alternative to the AA.

How high brow are you?

Score 10 points for each a) answer, five for each b) and nought for each c).

66-100: You have your finger on the capital's artistic pulse,

although Kim Howells would probably dismiss you as one of the charcoal-suit-and-black-shirt brigade.

33-66: You take an interest in the arts and regard yourself as culturally aware, but sometimes the pub looks more appealing than a YBA exhibition.

0-33: You are an utter philistine: have you considered a post at the Department of Culture, Media and Sport?

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