Asexuality is not a lifestyle choice for loners and it’s time society embraced that, says model and activist Yasmin Benoit

Yasmin Benoit says the introduction of an asexual character in Sex Education was welcome progress - but there's still some way to go 

Millions of couples around the world celebrated Valentine’s Day on Friday, but there are those for whom this annual celebration of sex and romance holds little attraction.

An estimated one per cent of the world’s population identifies as asexual – also known as “ace” – according to sexuality research, but the number is likely to be much higher owing to the limitations of available data.

Yet the general public’s understanding of asexuality tends to be vague at best and at worst aggressively ignorant, with a growing number of social media groups dedicated to harassing the ace community.

Asexual activist and model Yasmin Benoit told the Standard that it's time the world starts acknowledging, and celebrating, this sexual orientation in all its rich and diverse forms.

What is asexuality?


The Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN), defines an asexual person as someone who “does not experience sexual attraction,” meaning they are not sexually drawn to other people and “do not desire to act upon attraction to others in a sexual way.” 

Just like any other sexual orientation it is an intrinsic part of who a person is, unlike celibacy, which is a conscious choice to abstain from sexual activity.  

Many ace people experience forms of attraction that can be romantic, aesthetic, or sensual, but which do not spark an urge for sexual action.  

​They still form strong, fulfilling relationships – but in the absence of any sexual desire. 

The 23-year-old from Reading has become a renowned spokesperson for the community, but her role as an ace icon came about almost accidentally.

A masters graduate in Crime Science, she already had a social media following due to her work as a lingerie model, but when she started mentioning her sexuality more in her posts, she realised people were interested.

“Because there are so few people on any kind of platform who will openly say ‘I’m asexual, here’s a name, here’s a face, do what you want with this information,’ I think that’s how the momentum started.

“It was kind of an unintentional thing, but when I realised people were looking at me to do stuff I thought I might as well do it, because someone needs to.”

Yasmin (centre) at an Asexual Takeover event at the Pride in London Shop
Yasmin Benoit

Ms Benoit, who identifies as both asexual and aromantic – meaning she experiences neither sexual nor romantic desire – started the online hashtag ‘This is What Asexual looks Like’ to combat the misrepresentation of asexuality within society.

She wanted to give ace people a chance to celebrate their individual identities and form their own narratives by showing there is no such thing as “asexual way” to look or dress.

Yasmin's 'ThisIsWhatAsexualLooksLike' campaign has encouraged ace people to share their stories
Yasmin Benoit

When the hit Netflix series Sex Education introduced an asexual character in the form of Florence – an intense, largely solitary thespian – Ms Benoit welcomed it as progress, albeit with a long way to go.

“It was nice to have something in a show,” she said. “And at least it was something. I mean, when you have a show about sexuality, it makes sense to include asexuality and aromanticism.”

However, acknowledging that Florence’s character was not explored in great depth, she added: “I think the briefness of her inclusion is symptomatic of where we’re at. We got a thing in a programme – guaranteed other sexualities got a lot more – but, still, we got a thing and I guess we should be grateful for that.”

Florence, played by Mirren Mack, discovers she's asexual after admitting she doesn't want to have sex
Netflix

The odd thing about asexuality, Ms Benoit explained, is that swathes of the public hold strong opinions about it, despite three quarters of Brits being unable to accurately describe what it is, as a 2019 Sky News survey found.

There are streams of Twitter accounts whose sole purpose is to troll asexual people online, but that’s just part of a wider issue, Ms Benoit explained.

“They will pose as some sort of support group or figure to draw in their target and then they’ll bombard them with disturbing sexually explicit pictures and random verbal abuse – death threats, things like that," she said.

“Online, asexual has become synonymous with something along the lines of ‘physically, mentally ill, sad, attention-seeking loser who is too ugly to date, or a bit of a psychopath who probably got molested as a child'.

“People are genuinely starting to use ‘asexual’ as an insult.”

Hundreds of people responded to the controversial tweet
Twitter

One Twitter user sparked a fierce debate last week, by writing: “13 yr olds online identifying as asexual is so f***ing funny to me. oh youre disinterested in sex and it makes you kind of uncomfortable? so you mean youre a 13 yr old? (sic).”

The post received more than 102,000 likes in a matter of days, but also thousands of replies from ace people, sharing their own experiences of coming out in their early teens.

“There is so much support within the community,” Ms Benoit said. “So many positive things happening – talks, meet-ups, online meme pages, documentaries, written pieces, awareness weeks and an annual conference – the issue is not enough people from outside seem to care.”

Still, Ms Benoit has been invited to speak at numerous universities and LGBTQ+ events across the country and, last year, she hosted London’s first asexual bar as a pop-up for Pride month – showing platforms are starting to emerge, she said.

The more these can be established across the country, the more the ace voice will start to be heard in the mainstream, and the more damaging stereotypes will start to break down.

Yasmin draws in the crowds at a 2019 Pride event in Reading 
Yasmin Benoit

In 2018, she summed up in a blog post the richness and diversity of the ace community by looking at her fellow attendees at that year's Asexual Conference.

They included: "Married asexuals, asexuals with children, transgender asexuals, Muslim asexuals, asexual people with disabilities, polyamorous asexuals, homoromantic asexuals, aromantic asexuals, teenage asexuals, and older asexuals," among others.

“Asexual people aren’t just shy, white, young people who are sad because they can’t get dates – aromantic asexual people exist," she wrote.

“Asexuality isn’t a new thing that only young people are doing.

"Asexual people are perfectly capable of living fulfilling, happy, complete lives, whether they date and have sex or not."

For more information about asexuality and available support networks visit asexuality.org.

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