Londoner's Diary: Why can’t Ed Miliband be more like Alex Salmond, asks Staggers

 
Labour Party leader Ed Miliband (Picture: ITV)
30 April 2015

One week to go before the election and The New Statesman has come out in support of Labour — but only just. Jason Cowley, editor of the Left-wing bible, broke ranks at the end of last year, attacking Ed Miliband for being “an old-style Hampstead socialist” who “doesn’t understand Essex Man or Woman” (Cowley happens to be an Essex boy).

Now, in this week’s leader column, the magazine offers an endorsement for Labour but only through clenched teeth. Miliband’s leadership shows “severe limitations and strategic weaknesses”, it says. He has “never succeeded in inspiring the electorate”, failed to capitalise on the collapse of the Lib- Dems or the rise of Ukip and “has not created a sentiment from which truly transformative policies could have flowed”.

How different from Cowley’s description of Alex Salmond last September, when he hailed the departing SNP leader as “the most impressive politician I have met, a visionary leader and strategist” who did not “resign broken or diminished; rather, he had redefined the art of political leadership in these islands and demonstrated what can be achieved through a combination of conviction, pragmatism, extreme patience and low cunning.” Swoon...

Cowley was one of 200 notable figures who signed an open letter urging Scotland to stay in the Union ahead of the election. Nevertheless, The Londoner wondered if what the Statesman would really like to see is a an SNP-led government in Westminster propped up by a supply and confidence deal with Labour to carry the votes.

Cowley doesn’t quite deny this cheeky suggestion. “I do admire and like Big Alex very much but,” he adds, hastily, “I am a unionist!”

A shock in Iraq for Julie

Julie Chappell, once our youngest-ever ambassador, is used to dealing with difficult situations. But please make an appointment first. “I was at work in my room in Baghdad and the Mukhabarat [intelligence service] burst in,” she tells Harper’s Bazaar, recalling her time in Iraq working for the Foreign Office. “It was a shock but they apologised profusely and said they would come back to look through my stuff after I’d gone out.” How decorous of them.

Mary pours water on would-be juggler

A Spectator reader wrote to its agony aunt Dear Mary with a peculiar query: “My sister-in-law has two lovely jugs which I very much covet. I would dearly like to get my hands on them but I know they are much admired in their present location. Nevertheless, I feel that their owner would respond to the right approach. How might I couch my offer without giving offence?”

Mary first suggests that he look at similar lots with auctioneers Christie’s and offer a price, but adds: “If, on the other hand, this letter is a veiled romantic overture and you hope to signal your interest through ‘Dear Mary’, I wish to play no part in assisting your lubriciousness.”

Dames’ brush with Bond

Big Spenders aplenty at the St Pancras Renaissance Hotel last night, where philantrophic initiative Lots of Charity held a dinner honouring Great Britons, hosted by Rory Bremner. Dame Shirley Bassey was joined by actor Pierce Brosnan and Olympian Dame Kelly Holmes.

Guest: Dame Shirley Bassey (Picture: Dave Benett)

Despite singing three Bond hits, Bassey never recorded a song for any of Brosnan’s four 007 outings and is not thought to have been in contention for the next instalment. Perhaps diamonds are not forever after all.

And now for my election playlist ...

Labour MP Tom Watson, who slipped a shout-out for the English grunge duo Drenge into his resignation letter from the shadow cabinet in 2013, has been working on Labour’s secret weapon come election night — a perfectly compiled campaigning playlist.

“Election night is always, rightly, nerve-racking for a candidate, no matter where you’re standing,” confides Watson. “So it’s important that the soundtrack be soothing enough to keep the butterflies at bay and upbeat enough to remind you why you’re in the fight in the first place.

“As I’ve spent most of the past two months on trains, buses and in the car visiting dozens of marginal seats to campaign I’ve been putting together my playlist for the long night of May 7. Highlights include: Go Wild in the Country by Bow Wow Wow, For Those About to Rock by AC/DC, Superstition by Stevie Wonder and David Bowie’s Rebel Rebel”.

Watson has opened the playlist to ideas, with The Beautiful South’s Paul Heaton jokingly proposing “something by Take That”; prospective Labour candidate Simon Bowkett recommending Manic Street Preachers’ If You Tolerate This Your Children Will Be Next and one Twitter wit suggesting XTC’s Making Plans for Nigel, “which seems apt,” notes Watson, “given Farage looks set to lose in Thanet South and will have spare time on his hands.”

Desperate times for political parties

How tedious must it be to be a celeb at election time. Political parties are scrambling to get endorsements from anyone and everyone, as Irvine Welsh told Short List. “Even the Tories asked me — I think they thought I was some enterprising guy. Dunno where they got that from. I think ‘cos I wrote for the Telegraph once. They must have thought ‘this guy’s one of us’.” Hey, if you don’t ask ...

May the forks be with you

Details of the new Star Wars film The Force Awakens — coming out at Christmas and reuniting the original cast of Harrison Ford, Carrie Fisher and Mark Hamill — are being kept under wraps. Even families of the cast aren’t being given sneak previews.

John Boyega, the Peckham actor who has a lead role in the new film, was on Twitter last night complaining — light-heartedly — that he was being victimised by his father. Last night his pa, a Pentecostal preacher, instructed the family: “Everyone leave their plates in the sink for John to wash,” he wrote, “since he won’t tell us anything about Force Awakens.”

Boyega later posted an image of himself, complete with marigolds, doing the dishes in the kitchen, discretion intact.

Emoticon of the day from Nick Clegg. Tweeter Lisa Thurston said she was torn between voting Lib-Dem or Labour. Clegg himself responded: “Has to be Nick Clegg ;)”

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