Londoner's Diary: Bond says it’s curtains for great theatre

Tom Stoppard
Jemal Countess/Getty Images
11 February 2016

Is it the end for English theatre? So says playwright Edward Bond, author of more than 50 plays, who has proclaimed that “English theatre is dead” and “serves no useful social, creative function”. In an interview with the Sutton Guardian, Bond rails: “What has happened to English theatre, English society, is that it has become infantile. It is not dumbing down, it is actually becoming infantile... You are patronised as if you are a little child.”

Sir Tom Stoppard set the stage for theatrical criticism last February, when he was forced to cut abstruse jokes in The Hard Problem due to a lack of audience understanding: “It’s very rare to connect with an audience except on a level which is lower than you would want to connect them on. You could raise it a notch and you might lose an eighth of them,” he said.

Such have been the accusations levelled at new Shakespeare’s Globe artistic director Emma Rice, who is simplifying the Bard’s plays in her first season. Radio 4’s John Humphrys is among those who’ve claimed this constitutes “dumbing down” Shakespeare.

Theatres that Bond particularly derides in the interview include the Haymarket and the National Theatre — he is angry that both productions of his play The Sea, in 2008 and 1991 respectively, “were rubbish”.

Funnily enough, 1991 was about the time Sir Jonathan Miller last bothered going to the theatre. At Joan Bakewell’s book launch at Daunt’s last night, the acclaimed director of everything from Shakespeare to Chekhov via more than 50 operas told us: “I don’t go to the theatre, I don’t go out. I haven’t been to the theatre for 25 years.” That’s a long winter of discontent.

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Also at Bakewell’s party for Stop the Clocks last night was, funnily enough, Joan Bakewell, who was mostly concerned that no one left sober. Her speech was an ode to the pleasures of the bottle. Asked by Panorama to present a programme on “why the old are drinking so much and how disastrous it is”, Joan replied: “I’m not going to condemn old people drinking. There’s a very good reason why they’re drinking: they enjoy drinking.” Cheers to that, Joanie.

Candid reflection on the general election

To the launch of the British General Election, Philip Cowley and Dennis Kavanagh’s new book, at Queen Mary, University of London, last night. While researching, Cowley was surprised by the candour of some MPs — one shadow minister said, post-election, that “Scotland had an upside. It got rid of 40 f***ing useless MPs”.

Labour campaign chief Lord Livermore, meanwhile, showered George Osborne with praise. He was, Livermore said, “the real architect of the 2015 victory”.

Does that mean Osborne should give the Tory leadership a go, The Londoner asked? Livermore wouldn’t rule it out. Then again, he used to work for Gordon Brown, so witnessed his transformation from Chancellor to Prime Minister. Not that Brown is the best role model...

Spending a night in Jude’s shoes

The Londoner is so used to documenting the lives of the city’s great and good that we had never truly considered what it would be like to be one of them. But last night we got a glimpse of the high life with a little help from the ever-charming Jude Law, pictured.

A mysterious invitation called us to Sampson House in Southwark last night to see The Life RX, an immersive theatre experience arranged by luxury car firm Lexus to mark the launch of its RX. Guests arrived in pairs and were given a tour of the building’s vaults, before being bundled into the new model and given a virtual-reality headset.

So far, so corporate — but when the headset was removed The Londoner was suddenly surrounded by a film crew congratulating us on our performance. An assistant led us from the building, where actors posing as paparazzi pursued us to the Mondrian Hotel, where we were snuck in via the back entrance before a meeting with designer Joshua Kane, and then had hair and make-up.

Autograph hunters screamed on the red carpet, and as we waved to our fans Law himself arrived, congratulated us on our Oscar-worthy performance, shook our hand and asked for a photo.

All in all an exciting experience — but The Londoner prefers a life of anonymity. Sorry, Jude.

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Down to Brook Street in Mayfair last night for the launch of Hendrix at Home, a permanent exhibition at the former address of both Jimi Hendrix and Handel. Jo Wood and Bobby Gillespie were among the guests, and we asked former model Jackie St Clair if her ex-partner Simon Cowell would be popping in. “He wouldn’t be interested,” she joked, “because they’re both real musicians.”

Dambisa’s in the running

Among the stranger sights yesterday was an impeccably presented woman running down the Strand in six-inch heels, a group of heavies in tow. It was, to those that know their global economists, Dambisa Moyo, pictured, author of Dead Aid and How the West Was Lost.

She’d been in Arkansas advising Bill Clinton but a delayed flight had made her late for the Names Not Numbers conference at King’s College. A quick sprint solved that and she joined an impressive roster including Dominic Lawson and A A Gill, who spoke on food and faith at St James’s Church in Piccadilly.

“Do you know the difference between manners and etiquette?” Gill asked. “Manners are English, etiquette is French. Manners are there to put you at your ease, etiquette is all about putting you down.”

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Brutal honesty of the day: Jacob Rees-Mogg has said that he wouldn’t rule himself out of the Tory leadership as “no one is going to rule me in”.

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