Up all night: my friend's new man is a bit frosty

Doubling up: Millicent strikes a pose with a friend
Millicent Binks28 August 2015

Since working on my own risqué iPhone app, Pocketclock, I've been having fun downloading some others.

The other day I discovered one called 300+ Sex Positions. I opened the Carnal Challenge section straight away and decided to challenge myself.

It's Friday night and my boyfriend, Neanderthal, and I are just getting our heads - and our bodies - around the Amazon Kneeling Reverse position when a text pops up on my iPhone, which is lying on the bed, and covers up the instructions. I do my best to carry on in Amazonian fashion while reading it quickly.

It's Annette inviting me to meet her new boyfriend, Jack, at Maneros cocktail bar in Dalston later tonight.

I'm intrigued to meet this man. Annette hardly ever likes any fellow enough to call him her boyfriend. Sugar daddy and f***kbuddy are usually her limit.

So, after a good go at another three carnal challenges - one of which we improvised and named The Curious Caterpillar - I pull on my black velvet vintage dress and heels and head off to Maneros, leaving Neanderthal to go to the pub.

When I arrive in the dark little cellar bar Annette and Jack are illuminated under a lamp in the corner - necks leaning into each other like a couple of loving swans.

It makes me smile to think that at last she may have found someone sweet. I kiss them both and sit down and Jack heads to the bar for a round of Bloody Marys.

"I can't believe you have a proper boyfriend," I say. "You only met a few weeks ago. It must be going well?"

"Fantastic," says Annette, "I've never felt like this before. But it's all happening quite fast and there's a lot more to find out about each other. When he discovered that I'm a burlesque dancer he wasn't very happy."

I immediately take a dislike to him. "Oh, he just doesn't get it," I promise. "Your burlesque is beautiful. He just needs to see you perform."

"I hope so," says Annette, "because there's no way I'm quitting."

Annette sounds sure about this and I'm glad she's going to stand her ground. I feel lucky that Neandethal is so supportive and understanding of my burlesque and that I don't have this problem.

I decide to change the subject to something more positive. "I love his dress sense," I offer.

"Yes, he's got more clothes than me. He has three wardrobes!" Annette grins. "He's so vain that he won't even let me touch his hair when we have sex."

I try not to laugh too loud and look back over at Jack's hair, which is frosted with product. "He's Jack Frost," I quip.

Before he gets back I whip out my new iPhone app to give Annette the chance to take on the Carnal Challenges too. We have to knock quite a number off the list immediately because they would surely ruin his hair.

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