WTF is NFL? A guide to American football

Are caged helmets, mega concerts and big bucks coming to London? Nick Curtis explains ‘football’
On the ball: having an actual 100 per cent American team based here will be a whole new ball game
Nick Curtis @nickcurtis24 October 2014

OMG, holy guacamole, and other Yankee expostulations! It looks like an American football team could soon make London its home following overtures made by Chancellor George Osborne to the sport’s governing body, the NFL. Test games at Wembley — continuing this Sunday when the Detroit Lions play the Atlanta Falcons — have drawn huge crowds. And there is already a British American Football League dominated by London teams (and not by the Merthyr Tydfil Thunder Ducks). But having an actual 100 per cent American team based here will be (sorry) a whole new ball game. So for those unfamiliar with this multi-million-dollar sport played by huge men with oddly shaped balls and garish armoured uniforms, here’s our guide.

The Rules

American football is a contact sport of 11 men per side (though women have played since 1926) on a 100 yard long ‘field’ (not a pitch) marked off as a grid every 10 yards, hence the nickname “gridiron”. The team in possession must try to move the ball upfield by carrying or passing it, at least 10 yards forwards in four “downs” (periods when the ball is in play). If they succeed, they take another four downs; fail and they yield the ball to the other team. Points are scored by making a touchdown in the opposing team’s ‘end zone’ (the last 10 yards in front of the goal) or kicking a field goal through the goalposts. Professional games officially last 60 minutes but actually over three hours. It is a ridiculously complicated and deeply silly game invented by a nation that needed to create its own history and mythology.

The History

Legend has it that, during a high-spirited discussion between the Yale Cricket Team and the Princeton Rugby Squad, student Walter Camp picked up an inflated pig’s bladder, ran 100 yards with it punching people as he went, downed a keg of beer and then had sex with a cheerleader in a parking lot, establishing the framework of the modern game. Actually, I made that up. But it was Camp who in 1880 codified the game.

The Famous Faces

While the likes of Jerry Rice and Joe Montana may be household names from Alaska to Florida, the fame of American footballers rarely translates internationally unless they are married to Gisele Bündchen (Tom Brady) or tainted by infamy (OJ Simpson). Some college footballers parlayed their brawn into a film career — Dwayne Johnson, Burt Reynolds. Actresses Rooney and Kate Mara (right) are American footballing royalty, since their mother’s family founded the Pittsburgh Steelers and her father’s family the New York Giants. The annual Super Bowl is also known to attract major pop-stars to play half-time shows. Beyoncé performed in 2013 and Katy Perry will play next year.

The Top Teams

The Seattle Seahawks beat the Denver Broncos 43-8 in the last Super Bowl in February — making them the so-called ‘world champions’ despite American Football being played primarily in, erm America. Londoners should probably support whoever moves here, or pick a team on the basis of the fierceness or cuteness of its name: Oakland Raiders or Miami Dolphins? (Note, it is politically incorrect to support the Washington Redskins.)

The scandal

Recently the NFL has been embroiled in a series of domestic abuse scandals, the most prominent of which involved Baltimore Ravens’ running back Ray Rice apparently knocking his then girlfriend (now wife) Janay Palmer unconscious, and the Minnesota Vikings’ running back Adrian Peterson brutally beating his four-year-old son. On October 1 this year 16-year-old Tom Cutinella became the third high-school footballer to die in a single week from injuries sustained in a game. Lawsuits, early death or suicide among ex-players, rampant commercialism (not to mention the odd cynical Super Bowl “wardrobe malfunction) have further combined to suggest this is a less than beautiful game.

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