How to score a perfect Uber rating during the season of parties, pulling and plenty of karaoke

From the smug 4.9 to the sheepish 3 - everyone's Uber rating is under threat uring the season of festive frivolity. Susannah Butter offers a guide to improving the only magic number that matters
Ratings battle: Loud singing and being sick in the car can harm your passenger score on Uber, but more rides can boost it

Girl “A” thinks of herself as polite and friendly, an exemplary citizen. She thought that asking Uber for her customer rating would confirm this. So imagine her dismay when she discovered how drivers had marked her on the mutual ratings system.

“They told me I was a 4.6,” she says, incredulous and only speaking on the condition that I change her name to preserve her reputation. Wasting no time, she replied to their email asking for feedback. Uber sent a philosophical reply: “Think about future trips rather than past mistakes.”

Now it’s not only the Uber driver who is judging. UberPool launched this month, allowing you to save money by sharing a ride with up to three strangers going the same way. It is already a success in New York, San Francisco and Paris, it is 25 per cent cheaper than the regular service and in theory the more eco-friendly option, reducing the number of cars on the roads.

Fellow passengers don’t rate you but it opens up a whole new etiquette quagmire: do you demand to be dropped off first, how much small talk is necessary and what are the rules about flirting with your pool partner?

Early reviews are mixed. Cole Doman tweeted: “I’m taking an UberPool home and the girl I’m sharing the Uber with is hysterically crying to her mum on the phone. How do I respond/react?” Sophia Benoit shared a similar experience: “Oh my god, the other guy in my UberPool is fighting with his gf on the phone. I hope we never arrive & this lasts all night.”

And that’s if they pick you up in the first place. There have been tales of people being stranded while struggling to find a match (one of many parallels with internet dating) — and wondering if this could be because of their rating.

At this time of year, Uber drivers come into their own, swooping in like superheroes to pick up Londoners at their lowest ebb — at that juncture in the evening when you realise you should have worn a coat and your vertiginous shoes were a triumph of hope over experience, as was that third round of tequila shots.

Uber karaoke sessions have consequences - you might have enjoyed singing along to Savage Garden but the reviews can be brutal
Getty Images

But as Girl “A” discovered, reclining in the backseat and zoning out to the soundtrack of Magic FM is a high risk strategy. As an Uber passenger, you are under scrutiny and there will be consequences for any misbehaviour in the form of a sub five-star rating.

How do you know if someone has been given a rave review? They will tell you, in person and on their Instagram bio. Members of the Uber race are likely to be reticent about allowing you in the car with them, lest you blot their perfect record. Kindly putting a friend in a cab that you have ordered is now fraught with difficulties — if there is so much as the slightest chance of them being sick it’s best to lead them to the bus where their behaviour can’t be traced to you.

The rules of cab decorum are being redrawn: some are allowing drivers to go the wrong route and scrutinising everything from body language to perfume, while others resort to bribery.

Bruce Daisley, who works at Twitter, checks his rating once a fortnight and “can’t help but love the system”. Until recently he had his rating, 4.8, on his Twitter bio. “A good rating is a badge of pride. You lot at work might think I’m an idiot, but Babafemi rated me a 5.”

He acknowledges it has changed him: “It’s made me fawning to the point of obsequiousness. I ask after drivers’ children, check in on their day, confirm they’ve been eating healthily. I hate my neediness as I thank them for even stopping for me. A driver told me he picked me up because of my high score, he rejected other people with lower scores. The lowest he’d seen was a one. I seem to have dropped to 4.7. I am currently scrolling through recent drivers to pinpoint the culprit.”

Uber says that drivers are encouraged to pick up all passengers, regardless of rating but anecdotally people say drivers take longer to bite if you are less than a four.

“I’m in favour of bringing similar karmic feedback to all aspects of human life,” says Daisley. “Someone doesn’t hold a door open for you? Give him a two.” Other companies have followed the Uber model — dating app Ten encourages you to rate potential suitors.

Can the one-star wonders redeem themselves? Uber’s PR says: “The rating is an average from all your trips so if you travel more you are more likely to gain ratings.” He is a 4.9 and disloyally blames his girlfriend for it not being five because they share an account.

Start on the right note, by mastering the pick-up. Neha, an Uber driver (rated 4.9), says: “I usually give people five stars but one time a passenger was rude when the GPS broke and I couldn’t find her so I gave her a one.”

Bribery is always an option. “I wanted to eat my kebab on the way home,” says a friend. “I recognised that the smell of the garlic sauce could be perceived as antisocial so I bought one for the driver as well. He gave me 4.9 stars.”

If you have company, don’t get carried away — one mistimed fumble could be disastrous.
Andrew Matthews/PA

Then you need the right ambiance. Uber karaoke sessions have consequences — you might have enjoyed singing along to Savage Garden but the reviews can be brutal. An Uber driver told a friend that his rendition of All Saints’s Pure Shores was the third he had heard that night, and not the best.

Don’t be ashamed: Kate Moss does it. She turned up at Tramp nightclub singing along to It Should Have Been Me by Yvonne Fair. As she says, never complain, never explain. But don’t try to hijack their sound system by demanding they plug in your iPhone and go straight to the playlist called Good Times — it is a car, not an afterparty.

Drivers are understanding. Neha says: “I’ll never give one star because of someone being sick or kissing, but if they’re sick in the car I’ll take pictures and make them pay for it.”

If you have company, don’t get carried away — one mistimed fumble could be disastrous. After an evening of flirting it is important to remember that getting a cab is different to getting a room. One casanovette says: “I got to second base in a cab but we were discreet so I don’t think the driver noticed.”

Later on in relationships, your Uber rating becomes a competition. A woman who is trying to game hers says: “My husband thinks it’s embarrassing that I turn on the charm so much. I think I’m the perfect customer — but my rating is 4.6 and my husband’s is five.”

Drivers can ask if you mind having a conversation. Saying that you want to travel in silence is rude, obvs, but don’t talk too freely. A friend woke up to a flashback of him lecturing the driver on why George Osborne has the welfare bill wrong. His rating had gone down to 3.8.

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I gave a driver marriage advice as the car inched through road works in Kennington at 3am, buoyed up with confident wisdom after an evening on the red wine. In the morning I felt waves of shame and worried that I’d patronised this man who had been married for 15 years and didn’t need me to tell him that he needed to help out with the cooking.

Equally, the drivers are not therapists so don’t drone on about your problems. Neha says: “In training, Uber told us to be polite and not talk too much about our private lives.” Give them the same courtesy.

One woman blames her three star rating on moving house so often. She explains her enterprising but exploitative tactics: “Ubers are cheaper than vans but it means I always have to coax the driver into helping me do heavy lifting. I lie and say my boyfriend has chucked me out so that they are sympathetic.”

Ian Maude, at Enders Analysis, who is 4.8, adds: “It may have become a marketing technique to make people talk about Uber but the ratings system is primarily a practical tool, setting expectations for both the driver and passenger. Although people do become competitive — we love rankings and lists, they give an endorphin rush.”

Hiring an Uber is no longer as simple as just getting from A to B. Your reputation is on the line.

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