How to host a properly posh party, by Mark-Francis Vandelli

As the party season swings into action, Hannah Nathanson asks the most fabulous man on Instagram how to throw the perfect knees-up
Perfectionist: Mark-Francis Vandelli
Hannah Nathanson13 November 2014

Hedonist, perfectionist is how Mark-Francis Vandelli sums himself up to his 230,000 Instagram followers. For the uninitiated, this is a 25-year-old private jet-setter who found fame on E4 reality construct Made in Chelsea. But rather than get involved in the bitch fights and love triangles of the BAFTA-winning show, his is a peripheral role, and his arch asides and camp delivery have made him one of MIC’s most popular cast members.

The St Paul’s alumnus, whose Italian father is a former industrialist and Anglo-Russian mother an Yves Saint Laurent muse, is eloquent in five languages and has an art history degree from UCL. His Chelsea house is filled with 18th-century French and Italian furniture, decorated with gilded panelling and vibrant brocades. When he’s not throwing parties in London, with foie gras canapés served by tuxedoed staff bossed about by his housekeeper Gianna, he stays true to his favourite aphorism: ‘A beautiful place is nothing without beautiful people.’ So you’ll find him jetting off to a tasting in Champagne with a leggy countess before shimmying down to a Greek island to top up his tan alongside a bevy of lithe Adonises.

You might think MFV has never done a day’s work in his life, but he insists he’d go mad if he didn’t. He once owned a jewellery shop on Mount Street, and is now designing a range of handkerchiefs emblazoned with pictures of, well, him: ‘I want to be in everyone’s breast pocket, caressing half of London’s nipples,’ he says of the venture. His latest enterprise is a ‘big, beautiful art book’ inspired by his love of Roman baroque, which he put together from his seven-bedroom villa in Cannes. A recurring tag on his Instagram posts has the location name ‘somewhere you’ll never go’, alongside something like a 58ct diamond ring on his wedding finger. Who better to ask the secrets of being a party host than the man once described as ‘so eccentric, Behind the Candelabra seemed like a cop series in comparison’.

THE DO LIST

Do look your best as a host. But don’t make too much effort. There’s something chic in letting your guests shine.

Throw as many parties as you can each year. If you know you can host five amazing parties without having to compromise, then do it. If your budget only stretches to one, throw one.

Send a ‘save the date’ but never by email; a Facebook invite is not acceptable if you’re over 16. Have the cards engraved somewhere like Mount Street Printers.

Ignore guests who ask, ‘Can I bring anything?’ I can’t stand people who arrive clutching a bottle of champagne. It suggests they’re expecting you to run out.

At Christmas, bring the outdoors in. I love the scent of pine garlands. It’s important to reference old-fashioned, traditional style that harks back to the Victorian era when Prince Albert imported the first Christmas tree from his native Germany.

Have a cloakroom with decent hangers — wire hangers are the end of civilisation — and preferably an attendant. There is nothing worse than the sight of coats strewn across a bed or people kissing on top of them.

Decorate with flowers, but make sure they’re not too huge and bouncy, nothing too 1980s. They don’t have to be modest but must be well-executed. Orchids are always lovely en masse.

Ask guests to arrive slightly later than 7.30pm. You would always want them to change before coming. I usually invite people at 8.30 for 9 o’clock, which I know is very late for the British, but I’m foreign.

Make sure you don’t invite ex-wives or ex-husbands unless they’re on very good terms with their former spouses’ new partners. You want your guests to feel like you’ve really thought about them and made every effort to make sure they’re happy.

Prosecco is perfectly acceptable instead of champagne — try the Ferrari Perlé vintage — as is Franciacorta. It’s also good for making Bellinis; everyone likes a Bellini.

Make the canapés yourself. They don’t need to be fussy. Why not drive to France and buy lots of foie gras (pâté if you object on ethical grounds) and cheeses? Stock up on champagne and make sure you have a wonderful couple of days while you’re there.

Serve water, but from a silver carafe with a few mint leaves.

To create the right mood, play mid-century jazz or acoustic music; you don’t want to serve canapés to deep house or R&B. Any music with a drum kit should be banned until the food is cleared.

If you get stuck talking to that person who becomes your Siamese twin, feign an emergency. As the host there is always room for an emergency.

Only ever initiate a game of Sardines if you’re hosting a party in the country.

Deal quickly with overly drunk guests before they upset anyone. Quietly suggest they drink some water, or offer them a bed, at which point one would hope they go home to their own.

Expect a thank-you letter. It’s also nice to receive flowers the day after; people who send a bouquet are always top of the list for the next party. Remember that.

DON'T YOU DARE...

Don’t get stressed before or during your party because you will stress out your guests. You don't want to seem like you’re giving too much importance to your own event.

Never put ‘Carriages at’ on an invitation. People shouldn’t be told when to leave.

Don’t have a theme for the sake of it. A themed party has got to be something more than wanting guests to dress up. The people one should invite to a party should be the sort of people who dress up every day.

Never hire glassware. There is nothing I despise more than cheap, thick-rimmed, stubby-stemmed glasses. Make sure your champagne flutes don’t have that seam down both sides where the glass has been melded.

Never, ever ask guests to wear novelty Christmas jumpers. I cannot express how strongly I feel about them; they should be banned. Anything with a battery pack belongs in the toy department of Harrods.

Never dress your waiters in short-sleeved shirts or waitresses in ballet pumps. The staff’s aesthetic needs to mirror the mood of the event. And it’s imperative that the guests know who the staff are; there’s nothing more mortifying as a guest than being asked for a glass of wine.

Don’t give a speech. It’s not a charity event. A five-second ‘thank you for coming’ will suffice. I don’t like clinking glasses, standing up, sitting down or clapping.

Never offer paper napkins with canapés. Provide a small linen napkin or no napkin at all.

Never serve a buffet or bowl food. People queuing up is just too Oliver Twist, and it’s hideous to have to eat canapés with a spoon or fork. Anything with white truffle is fabulous.

Never kick off any dancing as host. Wait for lots of people to be on the floor before diving into a cha-cha-cha.

Don’t allow guests to remove their footwear. No swapping killer heels for Pretty Ballerinas. No! If you can’t walk in your heels, find an alternative. Better still, go to a doctor.

Never get drunker than your guests. Hosts who lose control are not chic; it’s frightfully inelegant.

Don’t allow guests to roam all over. Make certain rooms off-limits with a little velvet rope. I once found a guest doing something they shouldn’t have, somewhere they shouldn’t have been. It was just rude.

Don’t dismiss staff until the last person leaves. There’s nothing ruder than guests overstaying their welcome. If you want people to leave, ask a waiter to turn the lights up a little.

Never eat up the leftover canapés or drink more cocktails once your guests have left. It’s important to know when to stop in life.

Mark-Francis’ book on art history and the art of living, published by Kyle Books, is out next year. His exotic-skin leather goods collaboration with Thomas Lyte of Mayfair is available soon. Portraits by Charlie Gray, shot on location at Scarfes Bar at Rosewood London (scarfesbar.com)

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