#hardlaunch: the new art of dating reveals

Announcements of coupledom are a major deal on social – and the new trend? Going big and bold, says Emma Firth
ES
Emma Firth23 February 2023

There’s nothing more confusing, more engrossing, a subject that weighs heavily on our collective conscious, than modern love. What are the new rules of attraction? Who, in fact, sets the terms? Why do we care so much? Spectators questioning whether someone is sharing too much — or, too little – about their current relationship on Instagram, say, with one innocent post having the power to illicit a smorgasbord of emotion from a digital bystander. From comparison and titillating intrigue to — on the darker landing scale — ick factor and deep-rooted suspicion (where a post is deduced swiftly as a mere tool, staged, to gloss over cracks in said couple’s private life, rather than just looking at a photograph of a pair looking marginally hotter and happier than they normally would and swiftly erasing the pixels from one’s memory).

When it comes to navigating what constitutes an objectively healthy partnership, we’re a hung parliament in the age of social media. A world where new terminologies are born and spiral and have the real power to make you question whether you’re in a ‘situationship’, being ‘future fished’ or ‘breadcrumbed’. Dating these days comes with its own dictionary, packed full of philosophical riddles to solve.

The latest lexicon to contend with? Welcome to the age of the ‘hard launch’, internet speak for explicitly announcing a relationship on social media. Yes, the unapologetic and public officialising of a romance is very much en vogue right now. See Emily Ratajkowski’s and Eric André’s naked selfie on Valentine’s Day. Lizzo making things Instagram Official on main with Myke White recently (which, as petty as it sounds, is a different level of real estate than just, like, posting a picture on Instagram stories which has a lazy lifespan of less than 24 hours). A GQ profile interview with YouTuber Emma Chamberlain earlier this month was ostensibly a love letter to breaking cover with her secret musician boyfriend of three years, Tucker Pillsbury (who goes by the stage name Role Model). Quite literally titled: “This Is Emma Chamberlain and Role Model’s Hard Launch.” A story dutifully reshared with her 16.2 million Instagram followers of course, and ‘liked’ by more than one million.

Think a more shouty, more confident, cousin of the ‘soft launch’. This was coined on Twitter in 2020 by actor and comedian Rachel Sennott to describe the gentler business of virtually, and artfully, revealing you are sleeping with someone at least once a week: “congrats on the Instagram soft launch of ur boyfriend (pic on story, elbow and side profile only).” To be fair, physical presence isn’t even a requirement. A simple “any good date spot reccos lmk??” will suffice to hit the right suggestive nerve. Equal parts fun and infuriating to dissect.

So if being overly coy is on the downturn what is, then, on the up? Being cringe, apparently. Releasing oneself from the perennial shackles of cool. Rather than running away from the C-word, we’re actively and shamelessly embracing it, one unsubtle couple selfie at a time. Which is not to say these declarations don’t come with an element of risk. “Expressing enthusiasm in front of a big audience can be both exhilarating and terrifying,” according to psychotherapist and What We Want author Charlotte Fox Weber. “Even a wholehearted hard launch can softly fade. And a soft launch of a relationship can be quietly strong.” The point is, she says, there are no guarantees that a launch will fly over time (“for those hard launching, I think it’s important to include a private emotional clause that allows for future adjustments”).

“However hard or soft your launch is to the world, be gentle privately,” Fox Weber adds. “Whether you play it cool or shout about a relationship from the rooftops, we are all vulnerable to things going wrong.” Maybe, this what it all adds up to in the end. We’re all so depressingly used to things going wrong today, that there’s something kind of sweet about a hard launch if you think about it — rather than outrightly smug for smugness’ sake — about celebrating those moments, however brief, when things are actually going right.

5 tips on how to hard launch

THE TIMING IS IRRELEVANT

You could be dating someone for three weeks or three years. Neither is unhinged behaviour.

GO BIG

As the name would suggest, the hard launch is the ‘more is more’ of dating in the digital wild. Think NSFW naked selfies, teenage-style snogging, hand-holding and entangled limbs. Public displays of co-dependency are no longer frowned upon.

HIGH DEFINITION IS KEY

No blurry images, I beg of you. Clarity is your friend. Disposable film if you, absolutely, must.

DON’T OVERTHINK IT

So, you want to post a lovey duvvy picture but have MGA (Main Grid Anxiety)? If your other half doesn’t mind you sharing it, it really does not matter if other people think it’s embarrassing. We’re all embarrassing.

WHEN IT DOUBT? KEEP THINGS LITERAL

Lizzo capturing the new mood with a direct “hard launch,” caption, with a love heart emoji. Making it ever clear this is neither a friend, a family member, or foe.

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