Ben Machell happily welcomes another skyscraper to London

Our columnist's bit on the side

Ben Machell8 December 2016

There’s going to be another massive skyscraper flung up in the middle of London. It will be more than 300m high with 73 storeys and will be officially known as ‘1 Undershaft’ which… yeah. I mean, if you want to try and convince people that erecting these huge, thrusting structures is in no way rooted in a profound castration anxiety, then maybe don’t give it a name like that. Dr Freud will see you now.

But I’m all for the 1 Undershaft. I like skyscrapers. I know that you’re not really supposed to — you’re supposed to find them vulgar eyesores and all that — but I can’t help it. I’ve grown fond of them. Their presence is comforting. Seeing them on TV makes me feel a twinge of pride, although I’ll be the first to admit that

I’m also a sucker for the nicknames bestowed upon them: The Gherkin, The Cheesegrater and The Walkie-Talkie. Well, I happen to like gherkins and grated cheese and walkie-talkies. Apparently the nickname for 1 Undershaft is going to be The Trellis. And guess what? I like trellising too! Providing, as it does, a practical mix of privacy and natural light in your garden at a relatively low cost. I have a soft spot for Canary Wharf, stood way out over there like a socially awkward guest at a skyscraper party. And The Shard? The Shard is cool. Just look at it.

And the more I hear people complain bitterly about the aesthetics of the central London skyline, the more I like skyscrapers and want to see them sprout up. I know that’s petty, but come on, do you know how spoilt you sound? Check your privilege! Go to any other British city and moan about the ugliness of your gigantic, multi-billion-pound investments and see how much sympathy you get.

Back home in Leeds, we have a single solitary tallish building that causes a killer vortex whenever it gets windy. Literally, people have died. If you want to decry London’s skyscrapers, at least wait till they start murdering people. I don’t even really buy the argument that they’re ruining views. Most of them are in the City, so views of what? T.M. Lewin and Staples? I dunno. Perhaps this skyscraper fixation reflects my own deep psychosexual anxiety bubbling to the surface. It wouldn’t be the first time.

Follow Ben on Twitter @ben_machell