All authors should shun this Gulf book sham

13 April 2012

I've never been sure what literary festivals are for. The separation of books from their authors has always seemed to me highly desirable, rather than an unfortunate anomaly to be rectified.

But what literary festivals are not for is more easily stated. They are not for censorship and the suppression of free speech.

The first literary festival to be held in the Middle East, the Emirates Airline International Festival of Literature, due to open in Dubai next Thursday, seems not to respect this principle. One of the authors originally hoping to appear, Geraldine Bedell, was declined on the grounds that her new book might offend "cultural sensitivities". Her novel, The Gulf Between Us, set in a fictional Gulf state called "Hawar", has been found unacceptable because it features gay characters - and one of them is the "Crown Prince of Hawar", though he never actually appears.

The festival's star guest, Margaret Atwood, has promptly withdrawn, stating that, as an international vice-president of PEN, an organisation opposing the censorship of writers, she cannot be part of the event. Others may follow her example.

They surely will if they read The Gulf Between Us. Far from being obscene and indefensible, it's a likeable, entertaining comedy-romance, if anything a bit mumsy for me.

Widowed Annie lives in the Gulf with her three sons. She's just rekindled a romance with a Hollywood heart-throb who happens to be filming there when her middle son, 19-year-old Matt, comes out as gay. Liberal Annie just hopes he has a nice boyfriend - and it turns out he does, "Shaikh Rashid", the prince.

Bedell develops her story nicely. Annie gets an even bigger surprise when her eldest tells her he's gay, too - in fact, in love with the vicar who conducted his recent wedding ceremony ... The hunky film star turns out to be a faithless shagger like all thesps but the Hawari producer of the film, Nezar Al Maraj - handsome, thoughtful, kind, single and rich -turns out to be secretly devoted to Annie all along ...

It is, as the tagline claims, nothing but Pride and Prejudice, updated and set in the Gulf. So far from being hostile to the region, where Bedell once lived, it is full of knowledgeable affection for it. And, I'm sorry to say, there is not even any explicit sex in the book. No gay action is depicted and even Annie's romps are only lightly sketched, Bedell shyly muttering "the sex had the same rhapsodic, masterclass quality as before".

What's truly ridiculous about this decision is that not only is Bedell's book totally inoffensive, it would be hard to conceive of one better suited to be launched at an inaugural festival claiming "to bridge the gap between East and West". (The illustrated talk due to be given on Friday by the Middle East expert Robert Irwin on "The Camel: Everything You've Ever Wanted To Know" hardly looks a satisfactory alternative.)

All the writers looking forward to a short break in Dubai - they include Simon Armitage, Rachel Billington, Kate Mosse, Penny Vincenzi and Kate Adie - really should read Bedell's novel and ask themselves what they think they are doing attending a festival that has banned such a book. Betraying freedom of expression for a few days by the seaside in a luxury hotel, perhaps?

Shoppers from another planet

Confessions of a Shopaholic, adapted from Sophie Kinsella's terrifying novels, is almost unbearable for any man to watch. It's only tolerable if you keep telling yourself it'll never happen again. Surely there are no women left who still want to spend all the money they haven't got on dresses, shoes, bags and scarves. The genre, in fact, is fantasy-horror. That must also explain why every woman in it — not just Shopaholic Rebecca but her friend Suze and rival Alicia — seems not human but made of some artificial substance. This is a film not to be viewed now but buried in one of those time-capsules, only to be dug up eons in the future, preferably by another species.

A knight we can be proud of

Sir Terry Pratchett collected his knighthood from the Queen this week and spoke out again about Alzheimer's, as he has often done since his own diagnosis. "Part of the problem is the stigma that has always been associated with dementia. Yet there is not a family in this country that hasn't been touched by it in some way."

It would be a pity if his campaigning should overshadow his novels, the nearest thing we have to PG Wodehouse. As he said himself, in a charming interview on the Today programme on New Year's Eve: "I'd like to think it isn't just for getting a disease — the Discworld series has been going for 25 years ..." Sir Terry also admitted being knighted was fun. "You can't ask a fantasy writer not to want a knighthood, you know — for two pins, I'd get myself a horse and a sword." It's almost enough to redeem a distinction so cheapened by all those titled bankers.

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