Inside London’s secret rooms

Drinking mazes, false walls, hidden dining dens and secret smoking zones... Victoria Stewart has the password to London’s party hideaways
Victoria Stewart25 April 2014

Last month I let a cat out of a bag — or should I say a cigar smoker out of his den — when I admitted to my editors that I’d unearthed something that nobody else appeared to have discovered while on a recent visit to the Chiltern Firehouse restaurant. After all the pizzazz (the glorious food, the celebrity-spotting, the chef-ogling), I decided it was time to powder my nose so took a sharp left-hand turn out of the restaurant and, waddling down the stairs, got stuck behind two women who were discussing something in drunken non-whispers.

“He shaid we have to find the shecret room,” one cooed at the other. “Yessss. Ishn’t it at the end of the loosh or shomething?” Not wanting to make it look like I was party-crashing, I pretended to check my phone as we tottered into the lavs. But instead of dropping into one of the cubicles, they kept walking.

“I think it’sh something to do with that mirror,” giggled my neighbour. Well, I won’t say exactly what happened next — that would be giving the game away — but let’s just say that I know where the other half go for a cheeky drag and a breath of fresh air when all that socialising gets too much upstairs. I think they even offer table service, judging by the presence of a stray waitress.

This got us thinking. London, for all its excess of bars and restaurants open to all, must also have a secret network of special cubby holes, access to which is only granted to those in the know. If you’re one of those people, it’s up to you to decide whether to tell your innocent friends where the real parties happen.

So now we present you with a guide to some of London’s hottest hideaways. But, shh, don’t shout out the passwords too loudly or they’ll all want a go.

Clandestine cocktails: the secret lounge at Callooh Callay (Picture: Daniel Hambury)
Daniel Hambury

Chiltern Firehouse

Yes, we all know about the Lebanese cucumber, the crab doughnuts and the monkfish, the bearded chefs and the endless celeb-spotting. But did you know about the secret room? Let’s just say make like Alice and go through the looking glass — where a secret smoking parlour awaits you.

1 Chiltern Street, W1; chilternfirehouse.com

House of Wolf

Come to Wolf Hall for cocktails, talks, live music and… a hidden Fainting Room. Don’t believe me? Well buy a drink from The Apothecary bar on the first floor, then try pushing one of the medicine cabinets and see where it leads. Can’t be bothered? No ogling at raunchy art or a three-foot-long Victorian-style vibrator for you, then.

181 Upper Street, N1; houseofwolf.co.uk

Barts

Every time I come here for a smoky cocktail or three, I wonder if this eccentric little bar-inside-a-block-of-flats will still be there when I return. Mysteriously, it is still one of London’s most wonderful hidey holes. Go through reception, find the correct door, ring the doorbell and announce your arrival through the slit. Then find the fancy-dress box and prepare for some people- watching.

Chelsea Cloisters, 87 Sloane Avenue, SW3; barts-london.com

Mayor of Scaredy Cat Town

You have three instructions here, so don’t mess them up: One, arrive as early as possible to the Shoreditch branch of Breakfast Club. Two, ask to see the Mayor (don’t worry, Boris Johnson hasn’t a clue about this place). Three, if they like you, do as they say and go through the fridge. There you will find a brick-lined cocktail den where you can stay until midnight.

12-16 Artillery Lane, E1; themayorofscaredycattown.com

The Looking Glass

A perfectly innocent-looking Shoreditch cocktail bar from the outside, but step right of the bar and you may find a surprise behind the giant mirror. Good for a big party — but don’t wear your best woollens as it gets fantastically hot in there, there being no windows and all.

49 Hackney Road, E2; lookingglasslondon.co.uk

Quo Vadis

I’m afraid you need to be a member — or a friend of one — to get into this specific part of the Quo Vadis drinking maze. But if you do get past reception, it’s time to find the petting room. Scan your finger to get into the honesty bar, grab a drink, then go through the door to the right of the pool room. Et, voilà, a cushy spot for the snuggliest of parties.

26-29 Dean Street, W1; quovadissoho.co.uk

Pix Bar

The Portobello Road branch of this pinxtos restaurant has a little secret to tell. Go downstairs and you’ll find naughty speakeasy-style booths where you can lock yourselves up and have food served through the slats. NB: you have to become a gang member to gain access. Good luck...

185 Portobello Road, W11; pix-bar.com

Back In 5 Minutes

This is the name of the Disappearing Dining Club’s underground private dining room, found at the back of a Brick Lane clothes shop. Want a piece of the delicious pie? Find the shop, pull back the curtain, head down some stairs and, if you’re lucky, you might get fed. Top tip: secret meetings can also be booked there.

224 Brick Lane, E1; disappearingdiningclub.co.uk

Jam Tree

If you’re planning a trip to the Jam Tree’s new Clapham outpost, make sure you’re interested in books. For the better half of this bar is hidden behind a bookcase which, once pushed, leads the way to a beautiful garden. Anyone for a spot of naked sunbathing?

13-19 Old Town, SW4; thejamtree.com

Callooh Callay

By now you might have found your way here for a cocktail. And you might even have gone through the wardrobe to the second space, The Lounge. But I bet you didn’t know about the third secret lair, the JubJub bar? This can be accessed with a key, but you’ll need membership. To get this, big up your specialist cocktail knowledge and hope for the best. Once in, it will be sophisticated bar chat for the rest of the night.

65 Rivington Street, EC2; calloohcallaybar.com

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