Grace and flavour: Zoilo

Grace Dent ditches the relatives and sneaks off to a fiery new Argentinian
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Grace Dent22 February 2013

Bellywise, this week has been an embarrassment of riches. I scoffed kadaifi-wrapped hen’s eggs and Turkish Delight semifreddo at Ravinder Bhogal’s pop-up at South Place Hotel (very delicious), then soothed a delicate head the next day with the winning Dean Street Townhouse fish pie.

Then, following the appearance of the Northern Family Dent, including my niece Lola, five, on that half-term skive, I was flung into the nightmarish world of kid-friendly London dining. Fishfingers on ciabatta in the Science Museum café (40 minutes’ wait, lukewarm fishfingers, £9) eaten among 786 tiny dictators, all coughing different strains of airborne virus and suffering flatulence. Oh, you poor loved-up gastronauts who threw contraceptive caution to the wind on Valentine’s Day! Soon you’ll know the joy of the big wobbly TGI Friday’s menu at Westfield Stratford City: fajitas that taste like broiled donkey wrapped in an Always Ultra pad, eaten mournfully inside a converted New York taxi to a David Guetta soundtrack.

Happily, there were no children in new Argentinian restaurant Zoilo, tucked up at the top of Duke Street, a stone’s throw from Selfridges. Highly convenient were one, say, to abandon one’s entire family just as they made meaningful plans to visit M&M’s World, only to dash to lunch with showbiz writer Dean Piper shouting, ‘Must rush, work to do!’ I’m not saying kids ruin everything but I’m yet to find one who appreciates a massive glass of Malbec, grilled octopus mackerel escabeche and a long, intricate snark through BAFTA hemlines.

In brief, I loved Zoilo. It’s a charming little Central London find. Small, bold plates, delivered with affection. I mean culinary affection, although actual handsy affection from the Argentinian waiters would not be unpleasant. Ground floor, flattering dim lighting, exposed brick, a smattering of red leather, several tables for two and a row of high-backed wooden chairs along a bar. Downstairs — which is where I’ll demand to sit when I return — there’s a long bar where you can watch the chefs at work.

We ate excellent empanadas (salteñas; spinach, raisin and pine nut; chicken with peppers), blood sausage on toast, pig head cheese (queso de chancho) deep-fried in crumbs accompanied by a quince sauce. For me, the prawns ‘al ajo’, pork belly and chorizo lacked texture, although I’m one of those sorts who recoils at the squish of flesh when eating pork. Skirt steak with parsnips and parsley was excellent. The small plates are, however, decidedly small for their upscale prices. Don’t be bashful and under-order in an attempt to appear sylph-like and saintly — you will find yourself an hour later back on Oxford Street tempted by a Pret A Manger Love Bar. Alternatively, if one’s in the mood for a simple non-negotiable slab of steak with sides, then head for Buen Ayre in Broadway Market, where I’ve sat with friends who have ordered half a cow served bloody and spent lunch feeling as though I’m in a scene from TV’s Inside Nature’s Giants.

Zoilo is delicate, intimate, a little bit sexy. Speaking of romance, if one orders the ‘provenzal’ chips and hears the warning, ‘Madam, they’re very garlicky,’ the waiter is not making polite chitchat. These chips are the most garlic-laden foodstuff I’ve ever encountered. Utterly delicious but dangerous to one’s social life. Fifty shades of garlic, in fact. Five hours after sharing a plate of them, I was still unable to breathe into my hand without the risk of losing my eyebrows.

Zoilo is perfect for a tipsy, elegant, slightly extravagant dinner with adults. I can’t imagine children in there. It’s marvellous. I returned to my family smelling like that berk from the show Man V. Food after a garlic challenge.

It was delightful to be reunited with my niece and be taken to Ripley’s Believe It Or Not! If I ever inherit her in the event of a family accident, I’m certain I’ll find the postcards she writes from her year-round boarding school tremendously edifying.

Zoilo, 9 Duke Street, W1U 3EG (020 7486 9699) zoilo.co.uk.

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