Miller put through the mill

Abi Titmuss: able to do two different hair colours

I'd love to say that the cameras outside the Theatre Museum last night were there to celebrate a rarely seen Arthur Miller double bill a year after the American's death. But I'd be lying.

The occasion was far more of a cultural milestone. Abi Titmuss, lad-mag stunna and thoroughly modern celebrity, was making her London stage debut.

These two one-act plays, over which the ghost of Miller's ex-wife Marilyn Monroe hovers obliquely, are allegedly all about the elusive nature of reality. However it's hard to be sure of anything when lines are delivered this badly.

A couple of things of which I'm certain: Titmuss can successfully pull off two different hair colours. Her dramatic skills do not rank among her greatest assets.

In Some Kind of Love Story, a private eye grills his ex-girlfriend for evidence.

Titmuss prances around in a black negligee, giving a series of little pouts and grins and frowns and winks each time she finishes a sentence. Her co-star Jay Benedict fares no better.

In the second, mercifully shorter, piece, Benedict's Man buys a present for his dying mistress.

Mike Miller - one fervently hopes that he's no relation to Arthur - hasn't so much directed this as shoved it, rabbit-like, into the media headlights. The tone is all over the place and strange booming sound effects start up at unlikely moments.

Celebrity Love Island fans may like to know that Lee Sharpe seemed to enjoy this. I didn't.

Until 2 April (0870 1630717).

Two Way Mirror

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