The makers of this insipidly characterised remake say they had a genuine affection for Ronald Neame's 1972 The Poseidon Adventure. It doesn't show.
The strange thing is that director Wolfgang Petersen, whose Das Boot was one of the best ever of the ships-in-peril cycle (even if it was about a submarine) has paid more attention to the ship than the passengers.
The posse we watch trying to escape from the liner overturned by a huge rogue wave are the kind of Hollywood creations we've seen dozens of times before, with the possible exception of Richard Dreyfus as a suicidal homosexual, bereft without a long-term lover.
There's Josh Lucas as a professional gambler who tries to lead the way to safety out of an upside-down ballroom, Andre Bradford as the brave ship's captain and Kurt Russell as the father of an about-to-be married daughter (Emmy Rossum) who gets lost in the mêlée.
These inane portraits are utterly onedimensional, so we have to concentrate instead on what happens to the amazingly luxurious boat itself after the wave hits on New Year's Eve.
That's suitably spectacular as the electrics fizzle, the fuel explodes and the water seeps in. Will the survivors find a way out through the bowels of the ship? Do we care? Ronald Neame 3, Wolfgang Petersen 2.
Poseidon
Cert: 12A
