For an idea of the level of humour in Martin Brest's comedy about a Mob enforcer hired to babysit a kidnapped, brain-damaged teenager, one need look no further than the the line: "What is this? Mental F**king Illness Week?" Had this ripe quip issued from the mouth of South Park's Cartman, say, it might have raised a giggle. Coming from the bland orifice of Ben Affleck, it raises little more than an eyebrow. Full marks for political incorrectness, nil points for delivery.
The same is true of the rest of the movie, though it is not as bad as the American critics had led us to believe. While the pairing of real-life couple Affleck and Jennifer Lopez may not strike the hoped-for sparks, theirs is not as disastrous as the partnership of Warren Beatty and Madonna in Dick Tracy. No, the serious problem with Gigli is the script.
Low- level hood Gigli (Affleck) is considered so incompetent by his employer, Louis (Lenny Venito), that back-up is needed. It arrives in the shape of Ricki (Jennifer Lopez), to ensure that the young hostage, Brian (Justin Bartha), brother of a federal prosecutor that Louis wants to "influence", does not escape. From this preposterous plot device, the film has nowhere to go, and it proceeds to go there.
Ricki is not only meltdown sexy but she is also a lesbian, which leads to complications, as they say, with Affleck's faux-macho hood-with-a-heartof-gold. Far be it for me to reveal how it all turns out, but suffice to say the contributions made by Christopher Walken (as a cop) and Al Pacino (as a mobster) raise the film for the brief moments when they are on screen.
By far the funniest element is the supposedly raunchy dialogue between Gigli and Ricki when, performing yoga stretches, she explains in graphic detail the sensual difference between the vagina and the penis. The over-the-top lubriciousness is ludicrous and coy at the same time - it scarily brought to mind Madonna at her very worst in Body of Evidence.
For the rest, the film is pure corn from start to finish, with Gigli suddenly finding his feminine side and Ricki intending to "hop the fence". Now look - I've gone and given it away.
Gigli
Cert: 15
